While scrolling through my favorites saved on the computer today, I realized, "oh yeah....I have a blog!" Completely forgot about it over the summer months..... Oopsie pooh!
We have had a wonderful summer. Lots of vacations, ball games, trips, swimming, cook-outs. All the things that make summertime fun.
We opted out of little leage for the little girl this summer. The boy however, loved his summer ball-he even went on a trip to the big city and watched a professional ballgame with dad. As luck would have it, even got to participate in a 7 inning stretch sideline game and won a shirt and a ball. Got the mascot to sign his ball cap~all in all, a perfect day for him.
Girl starts school, Pre-K, at the school I work in next month. I am excited for her as she will be in a regular ed. classroom, but a little apprehensive. I wish she could go to a school that had a little more to offer her in assistance if it is needed. I am frustrated because I know the educators are doing their best, but their resources are limited financially and they are overloaded. It's absolutely ridiculous how overloaded the teachers can be. No one could physically do all that is expected of them.
I am also apprehensive because I want it for myself. I want her to be able to stay in the regular classroom. I want her to be able to make it without extra help. And I know it's selfish, but I am not ready to give up that dream yet; the dream of her being normal. Why can't I let that go? I don't know why. But I know until I witness it for myself that she absolutely can not cope in a regular classroom, I will not be ready to admit that she is "special needs".
Denial?~yes~ The experts say that parents of children that have "issues" grieve the loss of that perfect child in stages, very much the same as the family grieves when someone passes on. I keep cycling from shock, denial, anger, guilt, shock, denial, anger, guilt.....and I can't stay with acceptance for very long at all. I can't accept it until I know for sure that is the only way it can be, absolutely without a doubt. And even then I don't know if acceptance will ever happen for me, because for me acceptance equals giving up.
With the boy, I worked at the school then too. I was just curious to see how he would get along with his peers and teachers because he is so high energy. He did fine, after a few bumps in the road and trips to visit the principal. He's going to be fine~in fact, I feel he will excel in school and sports.
The haaaarrrdddd part with the girl is, she looks normal. 70% of the time, she acts like any other 5 year old girl~the other 30% of the time though.....that's when I think I am going to lose my sanity. When she gets overstimulated and things get to be too much~she bounces, hits, screams, jumps, cries, faster and more franctically until someone intervenes and helps her. She can't calm herself yet if she gets too far out there. Watching her when she gets like that feels like someone is reaching in my chest and punching me in the heart. Very few of my friends or co-workers have seen her in full 3-D action; I'm curious to see their reaction also. I wonder if they will still think she is normal if and when she explodes at school.
Soooo, long story long; I am ready for school to start so we can just find out what it's going to be like. The suspense is killing me already.... Geez!
